Time Flies When...

...All you do is play on Bodog. Or, at least it seems that way. I know that it's not necessarily just that. I've been putting in a lot of time with the Hawaii FSG. (Now officially named "The Hawaii Ohana".) I am really enjoying being a part of something that is important, not only to me, but to others as well. The "Ohana" (for short) will become more and more vital to people's well-being as the guys on the boat begin to take trips out to sea and such. I really want to make use of the "Ohana" by organizing trips and functions for everyone, plus providing "Mommy's Night Out's" for all of us stuck at home while the guys are away.

That's on the one hand. On the other hand, I can't help but get that awful feeling I always get around new people. That paranoid "Am I really right for this?", "Do these people really like me?" feeling. I keep stressing over each detail, each conversation, wondering if I said the right thing, wondering what they meant when they said whatever they said...Kinda like when you're in High School and you analyze each and every word your little crush says to you. I did that. A lot. And it never meant anything, really. None of those guys ever liked me. EVER. Yet, as I look back on my life, I realize that I overlooked many boys who probably did like me. And I wish now that I hadn't been so obsessive about the one or two I focused on. I could have had such a different experience. I could have been WAY more happy. But I digress, as usual. Or maybe not. Maybe that's the thing. Maybe once again I am obsessing about the people I wish would like me instead of realizing there are people that DO like me. And maybe I shouldn't worry about the things I think I did wrong, and focus on the things I know I did right. Then I won't feel like I am getting over my head, into a situation where I feel like no one really wants me to be, and I wouldn't feel so under-appreciated. That's another thing. I look around at everyone praising this person and that person for their talents or efforts or ideas and I think Hey- when is someone going to say "Amy is doing an awesome job! She's really heading things up well." I worked pretty darn hard keeping things organized and getting things together for the Kick-Off Brunch. Has anyone thanked me yet, as they did for another certain person when we had our Fund-Raiser? No, they haven't. Not once at the party, or once since, even though it was 4 days ago. The night of the Fund-Raiser, people were already sending out emails Thanking the person in charge for organizing it.

Something deep down inside tells me to step down if I feel this much stress over something so small. Then another part of me screams "DON'T BE A QUITTER!!!" So which one do I listen to???