The First Day of the Rest of My Life

As I get older one thing keeps occurring to me.

I am all set with Drama in my life.

There was a time when I was an emotionally charged youth, full of angst and ready for a fight. I wasn't afraid to hurt people by making it clear how I felt. I wasn't willing to tolerate people or get to know them if I decided I didn't like them. Well, come to think of it, perhaps that whole following your First Impression thing isn't a bad idea. I have mentioned that very rarely (in fact only once) have I ever been misguided by a First Impression. So, while perhaps being so cruel and blunt wasn't right, maybe my feelings were.

Anyhow, the point is I've lost a lot of that angst of my youth. Sometimes I wonder if that's a bad thing. I just can't seem to bring myself to speak defiantly or with intensity anymore. I just don't care about all that drama. I love to discuss, I love to debate. I love being intellectual about things. I love Adult Conversation.

But my need for Drama has been drastically reduced. Yes, I look back on the Good Ol' Days, sitting on "The Porch" Friday Nights, listening to and sharing dramatic stories about work and dating and people we were angry with. And I sure loved a good nail-biter. I also loved hanging out in the Center of Town, with "The Band", and getting involved in all that nonsense. But moving away and moving on may have changed me a bit.

Is it that I've grown up, really? Is it that being a mother has changed my persona? I don't think so. I think it's more like my environment has changed, and I've adapted with it. During that adaptation, a lot of the things that used to get me all fired up just seem so petty now. Pretty much it's that life has been so peaceful for so long, I don't really want to go back to the craziness.
Anyhow, this is a lot of explaining just to announce the fact that I have resigned from my role as Chair of the Family Support Group that I was heading. I am just so sick of it all. Maybe it's the fact that it's not "fun" drama, if there is such a thing. It's petty drama, from a bunch of women who all want to have their own way like little five-year-olds. They all want to be "Captain of the Closet", and if they can't, they threaten to take their ball and go home. Not to mention the fact that everything gets done without me knowing (like gifts to sailors, meals to families, obtaining a Tax ID), and I look like an idiot at the meeting announcing something and then being corrected because nobody tells me what they've done. Seriously, it's not like I want to be involved in everything but a simple "Hey, we did this..." when I send out the email asking for Agenda items isn't too much to ask, is it?? The problem is that everyone wants to be the center of attention, and to be the one who has all the news and does all the "Important" things. Would you believe I was actually told that I wasn't informed we were sending meals to a particular family because "Only a select few needed to be involved"?? I could go on and on, but like I said , I don't care about Drama anymore. I'd rather just simply state "I'm all set with this." than give the million reasons why I can't stand the group anymore.

I've thought long and hard, wondering if this make me a quitter. I'm not really sure what everyone else would say, but I've decided for myself that no, I'm not. I've tried so hard to keep the group running diplomatically, to give everyone a fair chance, and to ask to be informed about the important things, you know, things you plan to announce at meetings. It got me nowhere, so I'm done. People can say what they want about how I never should have done it in the first place if I couldn't handle it, blah blah blah. Whatever. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a part of something you think is important, finding out it's a bunch of crap, and quitting. I shouldn't have to feel like I have to stay when I've clearly decided I pretty much hate it. So, say what you want, I don't think I'm a quitter. I think I've tried something I thought would be a good idea, and it turned out to be crap, so I'm done. It's makes me someone who at least tried, and at least I won't look back now and wonder what it would have been like.